This Ain't No French['s] Shit

First off, if you haven't see where this post's title came from, go do that and then come back: the best six minutes of your life await.

Second, I'm sorry this post is so late. I was searching for apartments in El Paso and the wireless in my motel room was spotty as hell. If it's any consolation, there will be another post coming on the heels of this one tonight.

Third, I'm not totally sure what inspired me to try to make mustard. Don't get me wrong, I love sauces and condiments, but if I ever have a craving for any of them it's usually something tomato-based (don't tell me I'm the only one who's ever ordered french fries just to have a vessel by which to deliver ketchup into my mouth). I found this recipe in one of my new cookbooks and it just seemed so simple I had to give it a go. Plus, as much as I love the idea of this particular book (title forthcoming), the author gets a little judgmental sometimes about which ingredients need to be homemade or sourced from an organic farm by Nordic virgins and the like, so I also partly made this to feel less judged by her.

Mustard
From Super Natural Every Day.

1/2 cup yellow mustard seeds
1/4 cup brown mustard seeds
1/2 cup powdered mustard
1 cup water
6 tbsp champagne vinegar
3 tbsp honey
1 1/2 tsp salt

Use a mortar and pestle to grind the mustard seeds; I tried using just a spoon and a bowl at first but it wasn't cutting it. You really will need a mortar and pestle for this, and the bigger, the better. I went cheap and found a small one for $4 but ended up giving myself wrist cramps because I could only grind about 2 tsp of seeds at a time. Mistake. Once you've ground about 2/3 of the seeds, you can stop.

Mix powdered mustard and water in a bowl with a whisk or fork. Mix in honey and salt. Now mix in seeds. Place into whatever container you plan to store it in for the next two weeks (that's how long it takes to mellow out and become edible). Stick in the fridge. If you're like me, you may want to can this because you don't actually use all that much mustard and you want it to keep. If that's the case, your local TrueValue or some such place will have canning jars and these jars will have basic instructions on the packaging for how to can things.



Notes

• This will look pretty thin at first, but that's okay. The longer it sits, the more it will thicken.
• Additionally, the longer it sits, the more the flavor will mellow out. If you taste this after two weeks and think it's still too strong, let it go for another week. Mustard doesn't really "go bad" but it does lose flavor.
• That said, if you like your mustard pungent, freeze the extra when it gets to the flavor you like so it stays this way until you're ready to use it.

Cost

• This made just over 2 cups of mustard. That's a LOT of mustard. I lost my receipt (I know, I know, I'm sorry) but between the seeds and the champagne vinegar I think it came to about $14.
• Buy your seeds in bulk from Whole Foods to save money.
• This takes very little active time, so that was a plus. Not including the seed crushing, you're looking at about 3 minutes.

How was it? Really good. This is also a great recipe to toy with in terms of more or less vinegar, more or less honey, etc. Go nuts.